HIV Dating Challenges and Solutions for Positive Singles

If you’re part of what seems to be a small group of HIV positive singles wanting to date, your stomach possibly knots up merely thinking about dating. Relax! There are lots of solutions for you. You are not alone and you are not destined to a life of isolation because of your HIV. I promise!

In Actuality, your dating path is just as challenging as anybody elses, with or without HIV. It's all in your head! So pay no heed to the negative thoughts and lets help you find that special someone that you deserve!

You probably have two questions on your mind:

1. Who do I date?

2. When do I tell?

Who and Where:

Looking for a positive partner? Consider HIV focused support groups, forums, conferences, and events such as a cruise exclusively for HIV positive people. There are also plenty of HIV dating sites available today such as hivandsingle.com and pozmatch.com, just to name a couple. If you just Google any of the ideas above you will find a ton of results.

Or if it does not matter to you whether or not your partner is positive or negative, you can focus more on customary strategies - singles events, places of worship, regular dating sites, etc. Possibly a combination of all of the above is right for you.

For many positive men and women, the big problem is disclosure. How and when do you tell?

There is no one simple or ideal technique to inform someone you are HIV positive. As HIV+ educator and humorist River Huston puts it, "Unless he's in a coma or you have a gun, there is no right time!"

Often, it's not how or when you tell, it's who. If a prospective partner is going to find your condition unacceptable, she or he may do it no matter what. And if that individual is going to accept you and the diagnosis, it may not matter if you divulge before the first date or after the fifth.

There are two main approaches to when to tell:

Tell and Kiss--You tell before the first kiss, often before the first date.

Advantage: Less emotional attachment before a possible rejection

A minus: More people find out that you have HIV

Kiss and Tell--You wait until after a few dates when you feel secure with the person.

Advantage: No need to disclose to every date; more privacy

A minus: The "Why didn't you tell me before?" response

Is one of these “more right” than the other? Not really; it’s a personal preference. But while there may not be a right method to disclose, there is a wrong way…

Sex and Tell--You don’t talk about your HIV status until after a sexual encounter, in the hope that by that time your partner will be emotionally involved and won't reject you.

Major disadvantages:

You can expose your partner to HIV. Not only is that morally inappropriate, in numerous countries and over thirty states in the U.S., it’s criminal. Even if you have protected sex, and even if the partner is not infected by the contact, it’s still against the law in a lot of states and countries to engage in sex without disclosing. People have been sent to jail for this - take it seriously!

If you have unprotected sex, you’re in danger, as well. You can still catch further STDs, Hepatitis C, or an even more powerful strain of HIV.

Most people lose their trust in sexual partners who conceal significant information. How would you feel if a date waited until after the two of you had sex to reveal that he or she was married?

HIV Dating Tips:

Have “the talk” well before you wind up in the bedroom.

Have the discussion when you’re both sober.

Read up on HIV and safe sex. It will make it easier for you to talk about.

If you date an HIV+ person, don't spend so much time caring for him or her that you neglect to care for yourself.

If you are concerned about a really negative or possibly violent response, consider disclosing with a therapist or HIV advocate present.

Get guidance from individuals who have gone before. Attend a support group for HIV+ women and ask others how they handle disclosure and dating.

Be prepared for rejection. Sooner or later it will occur. Just keep in mind - you got rejected previous to HIV for plenty of different reasons and you survived that! Keep in mind, your HIV status does not make you less than or unworthy! Do not settle!

Other HIV Positive Dating Issues:

Some HIV Positive people find it hard to ponder dating because they feel less desirable or less appealing than HIV- people. Keep in mind that there is much more to you than just HIV. Don’t permit your status rob you of your self-esteem or your values. You do not have to settle for being alone because no one will want you, and you don’t have to settle for the wrong person.

Don’t be scared to have love in your life. Look for a loving relationship with a person who desires to be with you for you. Sex can also be an essential and exciting part of your relationship. If you feel nervous or guilty about the possibility of infecting your partner, make sure you know how to protect him or her by practicing safer sex.

It can be normal to feel ashamed of or self-conscious by your HIV status when dating. But if these emotions persist and prevent you from dating, or lead to unhappiness or isolation, look for help. Find a support group or therapist; you’ll most likely begin to feel more enthusiastic about dating and romance before too long.

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If you are HIV positive and looking for a great HIV Dating site visit HIV and Single at www.hivandsingle.com.

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